A lone journal

*As you skulk through the depths of The Undercity, a feeling of tedium and boredom making you yawn, you happen upon a journal, you've no idea how it got there and who it belongs to, you ought to walk away, it would be rude to read its contents... Wouldn't it...?*

~~DAY 1~~

Have you ever woken up from your slumber in a pool of your own sweat? Able to feel your heart pounding through your chest? Gasping for breath as you look around in shock, as if you've seen a ghost? And then suddenly all is calm, you could easily drift off to sleep... That is what I liken my rebirth to, awaking from a terrible nightmare, in my case it was the overwhelming sense of hopelessness as I struck down in the midst of battle, a cruel, misshapen sword carving through my chest like I was made of nothing but butter and parchment!

The last thing I felt was the cold, steely ground made from Saronite, the last thing I saw was my brother as he looked down upon me, I begged him, I begged that bastard to spare me from a fate worse than death, and do you know what's worse? He promised... He promised he would allow me a peaceful death, and yet here I am, though I do not blame my brother, in fact I thank him, only in death have I been able to see so clearly, but I digress, now... Where was I? Oh yes...

~~DAY 2~~

I... Can't think straight, I just read through what I wrote and it may as well have been written in hieroglyphs for all I know of it, am I mad? I'm not even sure what's going on, I am dead, I am I know this and yet I'm still here, why? So many questions.

~~DAY 3~~

I read through that first page several times now, I think I can recall what has happened now, I wish I hadn't remembered, but I'm best off knowing, until know its been as if someone told me I was dead, there isn't much arguing with the facts but you don't totally believe it until you experience it first hand, I have done that I just... Forgot, I found an abandoned tent in here, it seems to have once been used by the Crusade and more specifically, me, I found a bag with my belongings, old tabards, tapped, powerless arcane crystals and a few reagents, was I always this dull as to carry nothing but work with me? It seems I'll be carrying it a tad longer as I'll be leaving this terrible nightmare soon.

~~DAY 4~~

As I mentioned being reborn is like waking from a nightmare, the difference being that you feel none of the aforementioned sensations, I was not sweating, I did not feel my heart pounding, not even thumping, it was simply quiet, and nor was I breathing, but I was shocked, I am glad that I can at least feel shock, to at least feel something, no matter how small, separates me from a common ghoul, but this feeling of shock was fleeting, quickly did I feel the calm, I stood up on my feet, albeit clumsily, after all it takes a while to get used to the lack of muscle and cartilage, but stood up I did aside the one who was so gracious as to bring me back into this world. You know I'll never understand why people show such disdain to those Val'kyr, they are beautiful angels that might grant life to you once more!

~~DAY 7~~

I now remember being under the short employ of The Scourge, I say short because this took place in that dreadfully dreary citadel, I think those heroes were actually fighting The Lich King at this point... Yes that's it, there was still a battle to be had in the many hallways, it was up to us to stop any Scourge reinforcements from reaching the central teleporter and aiding their "King", alas I was caught in the aftermath of the second wave and fell prey to some skeletal soldier only to immediately be brought back except I was fighting alongside the creatures I was attacking only moments ago! Ah, I do so love irony, thankfully Arthas was felled before my former Argent brethren decided to turn their arms in my direction, but I never really gave them a chance, the moment I gained control of my free will I beat a hasty retreat, I fled to the darkest, dankest corner of the citadel, I was free but I was so confused, it was as if I had momentarily forgotten who I was and what my aims and desires were, I spent several days wandering the now empty halls of the citadel, trying to think through what my plans for the future should be, I refused to return to the Crusade, for whatever reason I no longer saw eye-to-eye with them, the zealous bastards... I doubt I'd welcomed back among the Kirin Tor, but then again, they're far too strict and rigid regarding the practise and extent of the arcane, no no no- far better it is for me to stay away from those maggots, they only ever held me back anyway, I am a creature that requires purpose, I cannot live an arbitrary lifestyle without cause or reason that's simply not who I am, if that were the case then why not kill myself and be done with it? Well... I wanted to live -obviously not live live but continue the existence I find myself with- I had an overwhelming desire to thrive, to waltz forward into a future that could be my own, against any and all odds.

~~~SEVERAL PAGES LATER~~~

I caught sight of my reflection is a murky pond I passed by on my travel to pretty much nowhere, as of yet, I used to be so handsome, my rugged face the bane of any woman's heart, ah I will always look upon those favourable times as an apprentice with a smirk, how many female acolytes must I have seduced? Well... Two, and both at the same time, sneaking around the backs of two women simultaneously is no simple feat, as a matter of fact out of necessity for keeping up this ruse I learnt how to create my first mirrored image, sadly that ultimately gave me away, his lack of personality and rather... Unrefined bed manners led Elise to discover my goings on with Natalie which in turn led to the apprentices dorm infamous fire, and as one may guess magical fire is a tad difficult to extinguish.

~~DAY 21~~

Though I don't mourn my aesthetic loss, ever since my death such trivial, primal desires no longer occur in my thoughts, another reason for preferring this new life, I can think with more clarity, more efficiency, the more thought, the more of my mind I can dedicate to my craft, and yet I... I feel so lost, regardless of this untapped potential I still lack purpose, I feel so confused still, it's truly maddening, thank goodness I've relieved this journal off the corpse of that Argent, without something to jot my thoughts on I may have lost my mind!

~~DAY 28~~

Recapping recent events I have to wonder whether my gallant and noble sacrifice held any meaning, it's not as if the fate on that campaign rested upon my shoulders, I could have teleported back to Dalaran, returned to my estate and head straight to bed, leaping between the sheets and taking a well-deserved snooze, one-thousand thread count on those bad boys, though I doubt it matters, I don't feel much these days... Just the cold, and that isn't so bad once you get used to it.

~~DAY 29~~

I finally decided to return home, if I'm to make a new life for myself I may as well re-visit my old one, it has been years since I last saw it, when it was alive and un-plague-ified and filled with Scourge, maybe I should stay away in that case, preserve the memories of a by-gone age, no, no it's important I come to terms with reality, I need to let go of the past now or it will consume me.

~~DAY 30~~

I happened upon the most peculiar sight today, a cultist -or at least someone dressed in dreary garbs and had a fetish for summoning undead- was practically screaming at this other, equally garbed, man whom decided, after having his fill of this vocal offensive, decided to brandish his dagger in an attempt to stave off the first man, Observing from an objective stand point I must say Humans are rather brutish creatures, when words fail they have nothing but violence to resort to, oh I know this seems hypocritical since halfway thr---... ---ough this sentence I decided on a whim to slay the both of them, but I would like to think there's a difference, I took pleasure in taking their meaningless lives, the way I could dispatch them so easily with a mere flick of my wrist I could take their lives, yes it's a simplistic pleasure but it's something more than that, it felt good knowing I was ridding the world of a burden, I'm a firm believer of natural selection, I'm merely performing Azeroths duty, survival of the fittest! Now I know some venerable indigent would point out it's hypocritical of something unnatural like me to claim to be doing something natural but here's what I think: If I was not meant to be here then I would not be here! Natural selection would have eliminated me by now yet here I stand... Divine Indignation! Yes, that works for me.

~~DAY 31~~

I returned to Andorhal today, it's as pathetic as I thought it would be, corpses as far as the eye can see, dilapidated buildings, some still on fire for some odd reason, I'm told that my brother fought valiantly to protect this land, that always irritated me, as if he's some sort of hero, what did he save?! The Scourge still overran this place, he saved nobody! Let alone our parents, hell I bet even that brat child of his was murdered, that's bad parenting right there, to think I ever looked up to him as an older brother and a hero.
Any one of these ghouls or skeletons could be mother and father, how undignified, especially for nobility, it's an odd word with double meanings: nobility, officially it is a term used to indicate those higher up the social and economic ladder and yet, those people are often the people with the least noble souls, I should know! I'm living proof- well that's debatable- but still! My point is nobles are often corrupt, power-hungry fools, honour is a foreign concept to them, my kind of people, at least they don't hide behind such "Holier than thou" pretences like honour, they know what they want and will do whatever to get it, the likes of King Terenas are long gone, where they actually tried to do what's best for the land and all the better for it, at the end of the day one must look out for ones own, taking, not giving, is what matters.

~~~SEVERAL PAGES LATER~~~

I worry that my physical form may decay at some point, the necrotic energy used to revive me will fade away sooner or later, magi often invoke the arcane, allow it to flow through them as a means to prolong their lives, though this is only done by elder magi as they grow old so that they may continue their studies, once I settle down and get my head straight my first order of business is to figure out how to modify the prolonging of ones life so that I may continue to live longer and preserve my decrepit body when the time comes, anyway, right now I seem to be as fit as a corpse could be, the Val'kyr are indeed powerful creatures, I shall have to captivate one for further study.

~~DAY 46~~

I think my mind may be decaying already! Last night as I sat still in the dark as I tries to sleep, then realising that sleep was no longer a necessity sat up and just... Waited, I heard something, something beautiful and heavenly, a strange and mysterious voice singing in a foreign tongue, it may have been Elvish in origin it was hard to make out, but it was so melodic, perhaps I ought to follow it, it's better than just wandering aimlessly through these sundered lands and it's not as if I've anything to lose.

~~DAY 48~~

I haven't heard that singing since the other day, I'm starting to think it was nothing more than an illusion concocted by my mind to grant me false hope, it may be high time to realise that there may be no hope, hope is non-existent and I'm foolish for thinking otherwise, I will forge my own destiny and not rely on possibilities, praying that they will find me, after all hope is wasted on the hopeless, I'm not hopeless, not yet.

~~DAY 50~~

I've made my way into the Tirisfal Glades today, I passed by this shoddy looking barricade known as The Bulwark, I saw people like me, out-casts, not Scourge, not living and then it hit me, it was so obvious I cannot fathom why I didn't think of it sooner, I should cast my lot in with The Forsaken, they have suffered fates back-hand just as I have they would understand my plight! Of course in turn that would mean giving my loyalty to The Horde, it will be interesting to see how green their grass is, neutral or not I've never been allowed near their territories, I wonder if there's any requirements to join, perhaps I should bring a résumé with me...

~~DAY 61~~

Finally I have some time to myself, it was easier than I suspected to join The Forsaken but I've been flooded with things to do, kill this kill that kill this again its been brought back to life! And I couldn't be happier, at long last I have purpose again, and... And I feel at home again, as if I belong, I haven't felt that since I was a child back in Andorhal, I serve my Queen without question and with all haste and I seem to have arrived at a very affluent time for The Forsaken, with Arthas dead their- I should say our vengeance has been sated and so we may turn our efforts inwards and secure our own lands and fortify them, I shall be doing my best to assist in renovating our various territories, who knows perhaps eventually we'll progress East and claim Andorhal! Wouldn't it be the funniest of coincidences if I should live there again in death as I did in life? Well i must be going once more, no rest for the wicked.

~~DAY 65~~

I often look back on my former life, it's not something one can easily forget, and I often look down upon my past self, all his flaws, all his mistakes, the one glaring mistake I still wrack my brain to figure out why I made said mistake was how I simply cared too much, so what if my childhood home fell prey to The Scourge and my family along with it? I lived in a time of war! I should have known such things would happen, alas I cared too much, I allowed my feelings to guide my actions and as such my actions were pitifully weak, so what if Dalaran was obliterated by the Arthas and his damnable Scourge? War... War war war... If I was so smart why could I not foresee so many deaths? All the shrieks and cries for help as my colleagues are ripped apart limb by limb, the shouting and cries for help, and her... Hers was among them, and I was powerless to stop it... Why? because I cared too much... Hah, what weak and despicable person he was, but I am no longer he, I am stronger, I am smarter, emotions no longer govern my actions, my motivation is only to serve...

I am no longer Rothas Garavel...

I am Rothas Garavel, Forsaken.

I shall cease making logs in this journal, there's simply no more time for leisures such as this inbetween renovations, personal studies and assisting as we push forward to claim more and more of Lordaeron, I will miss jotting down my thoughts though, for a while this journal served to fill the hole that was once for company, alas it has out-lived its usefulness.

To anyone who may have absconded with this journal I commend your bravery in stealing from me, Magus Garavel, and hope you have enjoyed a glimpse into my mind, though I feel I should warn I did place a small curse on this book which should have taken effect as soon as you opened the cover! So I hope you enjoy your various scabs, boils and pustulating poxes and recommend you watch your back lest you end up a burnt husk, pyroblasted into oblivion by yours truly...

Tatty-bye!